What is it about death that draws people out of the woodwork? Is it the finality that makes friends and acquaintances want to visit one more time? Does natural curiosity about death make people want to witness it? Does innate compassion compel people to help in any way they can? Maybe friends feel helpless while watching a person die, and just need to get involved in order to feel useful? One person might be able to identify with one of these feelings, while another feels all of them. I believe I can relate to each one. Whatever reason drew the many loving people to our family during my mom’s final days on earth, I am forever grateful to all.
My Biggest Warm Fuzzy
Of the many, many moments and memories that I associate with my mom’s death, the biggest memory forms around all the people that supported my family. The people memory gives me warm fuzzies and brings meaningful tears to my eyes. I still can’t believe it. This post will give you just an overview of everyone involved. It won’t tell you just how special each person is and how loved they made me feel, although those details may come in later posts. But I want to give you an idea of just how many came to our aid.
I grew up a stranger in a strange land, or at least I felt that way. My parents moved to our small town when I was young. In a village where everyone’s cousins, grandparents and extended family for generations lived within a mile of each other, I shared blood with no one. My grandparents and cousins lived in two different states, neither of which were my state. We spent holidays traveling to one side of the family or the other. I like how I grew up, not really wanting it any other way, but still felt like the add one out in my community.
But fast forward to my mom’s premature death at age 55, and I saw that we obviously had developed relationships over the years. Either that or the good Lord moved in the hearts of the community so that we would have no doubts just how much He loved us. As I said before, I am still awe struck by it all twelve years later.
No Matter the Reason, I am Glad They Were There
Here is a general overview of the people that carried us through that difficult time.
- My spry 80 year old paternal grandma. She stayed with my parents to do behind the scenes stuff- cook, clean, etc.
- My parents’ young new pastor, who had just arrived at the church not a month before. He made many meaningful visits to my parents’ home, not knowing them from Adam.
- The hospice staff who physically and emotionally cared for my mom each day. They let us cry on their shoulders too.
- My mom’s family doctor who visited her at home just because. Now that is a compassionate professional.
- The women from church who came to her home just to sit with my mom. My dad, still in the throws of work, couldn’t stay with her all day every day. So kind outsiders chatted with her during work hours.
- The ladies bible study group who came over for hymn sing! What a meaningful hour that was!
- My mom’s friends who visited in her last days. They held her hand, played instruments for her, talked to her when she couldn’t respond, prayed with her and over her.
- The special friend of my mom who worked as a radio announcer. She dedicated a radio hour to my mom, playing her favorite songs and talking about her life in between.
- My own friends who cared for my young children while I made trips to my mom’s house.
- Extended family from out of state. My mom’s parents, my aunts and uncles came a couple of times. Once to say goodbye, once to honor her life.
- The funeral home director who had tears in his eyes when he came to collect her body. He had been a former neighbor when I was young.
- Oh the food! Countless casseroles, cookies, breads, bakery items, soups…the list goes on. None of us went hungry. I wouldn’t have any idea the large number of people that brought food. I do know we couldn’t fit it all in the fridge. My grandma packed a lot of it up and froze it for later. What a blessing.
- And the number at visitation! Wow was that line long! I saw people people I hadn’t seen in years, close friends, close family friends, the Couples Club from our church, former neighbors, people I didn’t realize cared so much, people I kind of knew but not really, and people I didn’t know but do know now.
- And of course the funeral. Being a weekday morning, not as many people came to the funeral as to the visitation, but I appreciated each one. The volunteers who served us lunch also hold a special place in my heart. They are real servants of God.
- Last but not least, each person who took the time to send me a card. I am not kidding you, I ended up with stacks of them and I kept them all. Each card means a lot to me.
Never Forgotten
Whew, that was kind of an emotional post to write! (My apologies if I accidentally left out a significant person or group! My memory isn’t what it used to be.) The days were kind of a whirlwind, but at the same time etched in my brain forever. I don’t remember a lot of spoken words, but I remember the faces and the love shown. I am not sure how we, or at least I, could have muddled through those dark days without these human rays of light. Still I am grateful.
Did you find this post helpful? Take time to read Introducing My Past and Mothering Without Mom.
