In my second tale of quirky grandmothers, I hardly know where to begin with my husband’s Gramma V, or where to end. There are so many directions I could take this post. And I didn’t even know her for most of my life. I am just referring to the last 25 years. By the time I met her, she would have been around 70 years old. Some might consider this age borderline elderly, but Gramma V might possibly have been just getting started. Or she certainly wasn’t slowing down yet. She used the last 25 years of her life (she died at age 95) to create unique story line material for us to enjoy for the remainder of our own lives. And for the rest of our lives, we will know her as “Old Gramma”. Because my kids had their regular Gramma, this is what we called the older Gramma in order to differentiate. Old Gramma exuded life, and lived it to it’s fullest. Her attitude and her heart were big, and she used them fiercely.
Starting with a disclaimer, I have to state the obvious in that I am not a blood relative of Old Gramma. I didn’t experience those years of being a young child under her Gramma wing. I didn’t know her when her skin wasn’t wrinkled and her joints didn’t ache. So I don’t know her like her immediate family. I am writing from the perspective of someone who stepped into her life as an in-law, someone who saw things as they are without all the emotional ties that create a very different perspective. This will probably make my words slightly different than someone who grew up around her his entire life. If you are a close relative of hers, please keep in mind that my words are honest and from my heart, but might not completely line up with your experience of Gramma. And that is ok on both of our ends.
The Personality
Old Gramma’s words came often and very quickly. She talked so fast! My first block of time spent with her was in a car on the way to Sunday lunch. My head spun. I couldn’t understand a thing she said and was a little embarrassed by my replies of “What?” or “Say that again?” But Gramma didn’t mind repeating herself one bit. She liked to talk and liked to be heard, so repeating things was her pleasure. It didn’t take long for me to understand her language, because she used it so often. She loved to laugh and would laugh at her own words, which made it awkward when you missed what she said.
Stylish Lady
This Gramma always looked classy. I don’t think she owned a pair of jeans. Even her around the house clothes looked nice. And when she went out of the house, she wore dress pants, a nice blouse and maybe even a dress jacket, and earrings. High heels added to the wardrobe until she grew too old to comfortably wear them. Make up was important to her and I rarely saw her without it. (Her son says she caked it on with a trowel, but that is beside the point.)
And even more important than the make up, nail polish. I don’t think I ever saw natural nails on that lady. She ALWAYS kept bottles of polish close by, usually some shade of red, in order to keep up her beauty regiment. She even had a shade of polish picked out for her viewing in her casket. I remember her spilling a bottle in her electric chair. It colored her pants, chair, and the wall close by, a catastrophe in her world. Looking great stood at the top of her list, and the fact that she made a living as a hair stylist personifies her character.
Biggest Qwirk- Work
Old Gramma was a WORKER. She believed in the value of hard work and loved to do it- her way. The neighbors commonly saw her mowing her lawn in pink curlers and sometimes high heels. Her son had to take her ladder away when she was close to 80 years old because she tried to get on the house roof to sweep off the leaves. When the family went with her to a cabin in Canada, she sulked and cried when we wouldn’t help her clean the way she thought it needed to be done. When in the nursing home in her 90s, Gramma had a hard time accepting the staff’s half-hearted cleaning job.
I am told that in her younger years she was always in a hurry because she had things to do. She would get places quickly by driving a golf cart not down the street mind you, but down the sidewalk. I am guessing she was talking as she was driving.
Made it Happen
I would say, on the whole, that Old Gramma lived as a positive person when came to her own daily activities. She had an idea of the way her life should be an simply made it that way. If something in her life seemed out of place, she just changed it until she was happy. She lived as a “take the bull by the horns” kind of gal. I didn’t hear her complain about her own life until she physically couldn’t do the things she wanted anymore.
However, if one could be positive yet opinionated, that was Old Gramma. Her way was the right way, and if you heard her complain, it involved other people’s activities not meeting her standards. Boys’ hair should be short and suits and dresses should be worn to church. Houses should be clean and those women who didn’t clean were lazy. To the frustration of her son and his wife, no one was exempt from her scrutiny, and she wasn’t afraid to voice her thoughts. Her church heard many of her opinions over the years as well.
Control
If one thing sums up Old Gramma’s goal in life, it would be control. She craved it and fought to get it. This could benefit her family in that they had a strong leader paving the way in life. But it also hurt them at times because Gramma would use less than honest methods in order to get what she wanted. Not only with her family but with her church family as well. When an idea came into her head that she felt needed to be carried out, she stopped at nothing to make it happen. Now usually her end goals were good if not admirable- forming a new church committee, managing a church fund raiser, making sure every single person was present at family gatherings, but her path to achieving her goals weren’t always forthright. And rarely could one regain control once Gramma had it in her grip.
Health
Her craving of control helped her when it came to her health. The family says she had 9 lives, or more. She smoked most of her life, ate farm food, drank alcohol here and there, but none of this affected her health negatively. She was always thin and active.
As she aged, however, more ailments arrived. The minute you thought one ailment would bring her down permanently, she recovered and went on with life stronger than ever. She had a couple of knee surgeries with complications and ended up in the hospital and rehab longer than planned. I thought this was the beginning of the end. Nope. She went back home and lived normally. The next health issue I can’t remember but she ended up in a nursing home for months for rehab. Again, I thought she was sliding downhill health wise, but no, she went back home and did fine. Then she fell at her grandson’s house and broke her leg. The wound took forever to heal and became infected. She stayed in the hospital for 3-4 months with this issue. But once again, she eventually healed and returned home and functioned fine.
I think her stubborn and control needing personality was determined to make life the way she wanted it. In the end, she wasn’t able to take her meds correctly. She would fall and not tell anyone because she didn’t want to move to a nursing home. But eventually she had no choice but to live in a place where someone else could administer her meds, and as much as she fought going, I don’t think she minded it.
The Love
As with my Gramma R, despite all Old Gramma’s quirks and annoyances, she served as a wonderful Gramma. She wasn’t the huggie, touchy feely kind of Gramma. Nor did she use uplifting words of encouragement. But even I could tell she loved her family more than anything. She showed it in her actions. She was a doer. That is what she knew and that is how she showed love. She would DO just about anything her family needed her to do.
Because my husband grew up only a few blocks from her, she served as a second mother to him. He spent a lot of time at her house. She didn’t enjoy baking like a stereotypical grandmother, but she cooked with love and my husband keeps very fond memories of her wonderful meals. From what I experienced of her cooking, I have to agree.
My Place In Her Life
I was very young when I stepped into Old Gramma’s path as an in-law. I could see right away that Gramma served as self appointed head of the family, and I didn’t understand those dynamics on top of feeling out of place as the first in-law. But even though I felt overwhelmed by my new role and didn’t know how to act, Gramma always accepted my presence. Looking back, she probably didn’t like me very much because I didn’t comply with her expectations, but she never showed it to my face. She always treated me just like her three other grandkids, giving me gifts equal to theirs and showing me love (in her own way) just the same.
When she moved from her home to her duplex, I went over to her house to help her pack. I had my small children with me, so I didn’t feel like I helped her pack much between chasing them and keeping their fingers off her breakables. One of her grandsons also came over and helped her move some furniture. He physically worked harder than I did. But Gramma must have appreciated me coming because she later gave me $50 for helping her, and gave her grandson nothing. He felt a little bitter and I felt a little guilty. But I also felt like I did something right in her eyes. 🙂
When she became too elderly to get out much and I had time before work, I would stop at her place and chat with her for awhile. Her greeting consisted of “Where you been? Haven’t seen you for awhile. Take your coat off and sit down.” I would listen to her stories about how so-n-so were doing life completely wrong, but sometimes I would hear stories about when she was a child. I loved to hear about life in the early 1900s and how much fun they had without all the amenities we have now. Life was hard work then but in some ways simpler, and the stories warmed my heart. I could tell Gramma never wanted me to leave, but when the time came I leaned over her in her chair and she kissed me on the cheek. And I felt like her granddaughter.
Her End
During her last few hours of life, I left work to say goodbye to her. Most of her family sat in her room with her at the nursing home. She wasn’t conscious when I arrived, but when I talked to her, her mouth moved a little as if she wanted to respond. She knew who I was, she knew I was there and she knew I loved her. And in that moment I thought maybe I had one of the best spots in the family as an in-law. I got to enjoy the good parts of her without being pulled into the drama that sometimes surrounded her. I have to say that because of her dominant personality in life, it certainly feels like she is always with us, making sure we do life her way. 🙂
Do you enjoy reading about Grammas? The first two parts of the series are below.
Tales of Quirky Grandmothers- An Intro
First Tale of Quirky Grandmothers- Gramma R
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