Cancer sucks- a major understatement. Everyone uses the slang term “sucks” so often that the word seems too commonplace, too acceptable to be paired with the word cancer.
T Shirt Talk
A friend called me a while back after a texting discussion about what we should put on t shirts to honor my friend Lori. Lori deals with a brain tumor, one that was just diagnosed in July. We of course had been texting up lifting, positive ideas for a t shirt that would support her during her treatment and radiation. But finally my friend called and said “Can we just print t shirts that say Cancer Sucks!, or maybe I wanna punch cancer in the face!?
Cancer Talk
I know exactly what she meant. Lori’s many friends have been working together to organize meals for her family, clean her house, design uplifting t-shirts to support her during their difficult situation, all while struggling ourselves. We as her friends sprung into action, but we sprung with heavy hearts and many tears. How could cancer hit so close to home? And to someone so young and valuable to everyone around her? Many people live in this world who don’t care about their own lives, and even make efforts to ruin their own lives. How could cancer strike someone who just wants to live and love those around her? Just doesn’t make sense.
Who Will Be Next?
And after I realize that yes, cancer invaded my world again, another horrible question arises. Who is next? If cancer can take my mom and invade my young friend, who else will it attack? Will it be my husband or one of my kids? Will it be me?
The Long Awaited 44
On my next birthday I will be 44, the same age as my mom when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. This age has long been kind of a “magic number” for me, one I don’t mention out loud but one that always lingers in the back of my mind. I don’t necessarily assume I will have cancer at this age, but it seems more of a real possibility. And being the same age as my mom when she was diagnosed just makes me empathize with her even more, being able to imagine what she might have felt at this. This hurts big time. So needless to say, for many years I haven’t looked forward to turning 44.
My early thirties- I feel I have a long time before needing to worry about that magic number. My doctor suggests I start yearly mammograms 10 years before the age my mom was diagnosed. This hit a nerve, but I still have a while to wait until 44.
My late thirties- I grow used to the mammogram thing and feel safe since I havn’t even reached 40.
Then I hit 40 and decide this age isn’t so bad! I feel great and cancer seems a world away. The dreaded age approaches but I hadn’t reached it yet.
This Is The Year
And now the year is here. In the early months, I felt age 44 would be fine. I have long accepted my mom’s situation and have adapted to finishing my life without her here. But now the “Big C” rears its ugly head again. My friend Lori’s battle with cancer brings the lump back to my throat and the pit in my stomach.
Again, obviously I know age 44 doesn’t mean cancer will hit my own body, but the irrational fear still exists. And regardless if it is my own body or not, it has already hit my life hard.
Cancer More Than Sucks
So to say cancer sucks is a true statement, but an understatement. It is a sneaky, deceptive, crushing, devastating disease. Cancer destroys more than the body it inhabits. It destroys those living around that body too. Sometimes a person diagnosed with cancer is blessed with a cure. But that hasn’t been my experience with it.
I just continue to pray my experience changes, starting with healing for my friend Lori.
P.S. On another related note- regardless of what life on earth brings, my hope is still in my Lord God. What other true hope do I have?
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Introducing My Past- A Loved One Lost
Mothering Without Mom- A Loved One Lost
Curveball- Suddenly Difficult News
